We landed in Malaysia with high hopes, much excitement and sweaty bums. Sounds good so far I know, but is it better than Worthing? Let’s find out…
1. Is the weather better than Brighton?
Malaysia is hot. It’s bloody hot. It’s humid too and gives you a sweaty bum (see above) which I quite like. I rarely get a sweaty bum in Brighton, unless I’m at work and am about to tell my boss I just made a boo-boo.
Warmer for sure, though there was the odd bit of warm rain and the humidity got a bit much at times, even for my sweat-loving buttcheeks – 7 points
2. Proximity and quality of the seaside (a pier must be present for full points here)
When we were flying in I definitely saw the sea. When I look at Kuala Lumpur on a map I can see the sea. Could I see the sea when I was there? Of course I bloody couldn’t. Then we went to Melaka – the famous port where there were wars about spices because everyone sailed there to get ginger or whatever. They went there in boats that sailed on the sea to shoot each other and get the spices. Good job it was the ancestors and not me because I didn’t see the sea there either! Part of me think it’s just some story made up to tell the tourists. A smaller part of me thinks Malaysia might just be a tiny square in the middle of Germany. On the plus side, we did see a DRAGON!
No discernible waves and no noticeable pier, though I have to take some of the wrap for not managing to find it – 2 points
3. Local delicacies and quality of food
Hell yeah to Nasi Lemak, Laksa and pineapple tarts. All bloody good stuff, plus I treated myself to fried chicken and chips one day (it’s on the menu, which makes it authentic local cuisine in my book) and that was bloody lovely. You could also get corn off the cob and in a pot.
Credit where it’s due Malaysia: you got some tasty grubbles. I’m deducting a couple of points for getting my order wrong a couple of times and having a rotten toilet in (not next to but in) the kitchen of a place we had just eaten – 7 points
4. Friendliness and attractiveness of the locals
Usually when we spoke to people it was because we were lost. Everyone was really nice but didn’t have a clue about anything geographical. I’m not asking for the capital of Argentina or anything, I’m asking
- Do you know where Jalan Mesui is?
- Where is the Rainforest B&B?
- Can you point to where we are on this map please?
It was smiles all round, but no end product. A bit like the England World Cup campaign (except that had no smiles and no end product).
You tried hard Malaysia, and you are a lovely bunch so I give you – 7 points
5. Availability and quality of real ale
We were all about the Tiger beer in Malaysia. Served out of the fridge and poured into a glass from the same fridge it was the only way to go. Unless you wanted a Carlsberg, which I didn’t.
Points for effort with your tasty lager here but you can’t get high marks unless it’s warm and flat – 5 points
In conclusion, I really liked Malaysia but compared to Worthing it’s got a little way to go. We’re going back there after Singapore and Bali, so hopefully someone will read this and sort a few things out ready for our return, but until then Malaysia gets 28 points.
If you disagree with me then leave a comment and I’ll gladly put you right.